Abstractions

"I'm tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe." -Shane Koyczan

What would the world be like if we loved just because we can? Not because we expect anything back, not because the other deserves it, or out rightly needs it. What if we lived to love, because we loved to love, and because we were in love with loving other's ability to love and receive love just for the sake...of loving love?

Hear me out before you decide to close this blog and take a seizure medication. What if we loved attempts and failures in real life? In a movie, the underdog is the star...we cry for them, laugh with them, yell from our couches "YOU CAN DO IT FORREST!" What do we say to the single mom who hands us our burger at McDonalds? Do we say anything to her? We love the kid who tries to ride a bike, help them up when they fall. What do we say to the drug addict who falls back into his lifestyle? Do we help them up? Even if you can see, and love, the underdogs around you...what about yourself? What do you say to yourself when you gain five pounds, can't get past 'Smoke on the Water' in guitar lessons, or can't seem to pass that one class, or get that promotion you've been in line for? What if we loved ourselves with the patience that comes when we take away expectations? Live to love...out of love flourishes confidence and peace. And with unconditional love usually comes the desire to become better, to be worthy of that love; love ignites passion. If we lived in a world driven by love, intentional love that is based off of specific choices rather than emotion, the emotions that will grow would grow us.

Before you assume I'm a hippie who loves everything, I don't. I'm a pessimist who doesn't trust, doesn't feel worthy of love, and doesn't like to feel vulnerable, open, or forgiving. I'm hard on myself; I judge others quickly. This whole blog was birthed out of a realization that I'm walking through my world with blinders on, filtering beauty through my hardened, critical, logical worldview. I'm tired of that. I woke up a few days ago and it occurred to me that I need to start focusing on intentional love. So here I am, with this blog being one way to focus my thoughts each day on things around me that I adore. What I'm saying is that I know from experience that it's not an easy proposition, but I believe it is a necessary one, at least for my own life. By the way, have you ever noticed how the most difficult things are usually the best for us long term?

Today I'm choosing to love. I will love you without expectations. I will love you even if you have expectations on me (ever noticed how hard that is to do?). I will love myself even when I fail, and I will continue to love the challenge of loving those who are sometimes just not so lovable. Because, I'm starting to realize, a life without love is a failure in itself.

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If the sun, situated specifically to provide life-giving light, was ever absent, darkness and death would take over; growth would stop. What if we are situated specifically to love, and that love is largely absent? I think we would be exactly where we are, with emotional darkness and death taking over...if we want to grow, we need to love.

More Things

It's technically February 2nd, so I'm going to do list for the day now before I go to bed, as Wednesdays are usually more than a little insane around here. That's really just an excuse though...I've been writing an essay and am wired in a thinking/writing mode. With that, I'm going to kick this off with number 1.

I love perspective. When I saw this picture I realized how drastically I jump around on both ends of the spectrum; it is a rare occurrence in which I toss in the perfect intelligent comment into a conversation. Interestingly enough, the older I get the more I am going from being the teenager without a filter, notorious for saying too much too often, to being an adult who feels too quiet instead. Maybe it's the writer quirk in me, I have yet to really establish what caused the change. At any rate, my words and thoughts feel trapped, stuck. It literally takes a pen or a keyboard to get myself out of my own head. Even describing this fact takes my blog! This quote reminded me that my own silence can be just as devastating, to myself and those around me, as my word-vomit used to be.

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I love cookies, specifically home-ade and then tossed in the freezer for a couple hours. Yeah, I went there. And bunnies are awesome too which is why this picture is now officially one of my favorite things.

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I love testing my limits; challenging my own capabilities. I don't do it often enough though, and this picture of a kayaking trip at English Bay reminded me how much I adore fresh experiences. There's nothing quite like that feeling of fear before going into a new situation. It's nearly paralyzing at times. I remember climbing into the kayak, wondering if it'd be in the evening news how some girl forgot how to Eskimo roll and then drowned tragically in her flipped kayak. But then the ocean was moving beneath me, and suddenly the clouds were racing by overhead. The paddle cut through the waves in this fluid rhythm and I laughed and then was silent in awe of how powerful and vulnerable I was simultaneously. Moments where both of those realizations are working in harmony are beautiful...I'd say a little fear is worth that.

Now, let me explain that there is nothing that I love more than a clean kitchen. I realize the picture below is not necessarily the most sanitary or beautiful kitchen, per se, but what I love here is a moment frozen in time. I love museums and pictures where it looks like a normal family had a normal day, and then just didn't come home. Left all the little details, imperfections and reality, scattered wherever they had left them. I wonder when I leave my house sometimes what would happen if I got murdered, or if I stepped off my bus and a car hit me, or if there was a shooting at the bus loop. What would people think of me, of who I was or wanted to be, if they walked into my bedroom? I wonder if there would be a large disconnect to them between my dreams and how my day to day life is? Would they notice it as much as I do sometimes? They'd see a bit of mess, a few lists and journals that are so honest I consider burning them sometimes. Pictures like these make me smile because it catches those little things that usually get cleaned up before people are invited in...the important things like handprints on the cupboards and little alphabet letters on the fridge.

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I love to hike...mountains, trees, sweat and granola bars are all happy things in my book. The view doesn't hurt either!

Because How Can I Not Love This?

Events tonight made me think of this song, which then made me laugh. And, as we all know, this blog is specifically to document little things like that around me that I love for whatever reason. So, for your listening pleasure, a trip back to a simpler time.

And...also. :)

Things I Find Irresistible

Today my heart is meditating on potential. What drives it, what cuts it short. From what I've seen so far, the answer seems to be that I am the only one who can make or break my future. It makes me think...if I dream really big, and am not scared of the work and failures along the way...who do I really want to be? Am I following my dreams or am I already making practicality a forefront requirement of my career and location and passion?

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I adore used bookstores ( and the quote is fantastic as well). There's just that slight musty drag that always brings me back to my Grandparent's bookshelves full of Tennyson and Jack London. I love the little inscriptions found in the covers, finding quotes underlined by someone who the words meant something profound to.

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I love cozy, warm knit slipper-socks. They are a wrap-your-toes-up-and-keep-you-smiling sort of treat for a cold February day. A mouthful for the feet?

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I love colour...these bright bursts of shiny paint are inspiring me to crack out my own palette for an afternoon of creating.

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Everything about this 'beach cruiser' screams: "RIDE. ME." I love the colour, the curves and that basket begging to be filled with wildflowers, a straw hat, and a notebook.

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Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

What better inspiration for happy things than a sunny Sunday afternoon? Home from church and cuddled up with my fuzzy socks, a good book and a notepad. There's something about thick roastbeef sandwiches with the family, and sitting around laughing after a good church service with friends. I wear jeans to my church now, but I still remember that feeling as a kid of coming home and stripping off my nylons after church, putting my head on my mum's lap while we watched a movie in sweatpants. Therefore, Sunday afternoons are my number 1 favorite thing today. 

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Fearless nailpolish...shiny, wet, thick. I love how it can cover my flaws, help me take on a new persona, and somehow just create a fresher outlook on life. Once I've glided the cold layer over my pale fingernails I feel different, more feminine. I find my own hands irresistible to stare at and am ready to take on the world...as long as I don't have to actually touch anything, that is. Scary metaphor?

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Butter. In the words of Julie Powell, author of 'Julie and Julia:'

"Is there anything better than butter? Think it over, any time you taste something that's delicious beyond imagining and you say 'what's in this?' the answer is always going to be butter. The day there is a meteorite rushing toward Earth and we have thirty days to live, I am going to spend it eating butter. Here is my final word on the subject, you can never have too much butter."

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I love big questions. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac at times, and find any sort of chance to deconstruct any symptom at all, to find the root cause, quite exhilarating (I may get this from my addiction to watching the TV Show 'House'...or perhaps watching 'House' just feeds into my obsessive/neurotic view of my body?). Point being, no matter the symptom I like to find the reason. The symptom may be physical and may indicate a physical issue, or I may find myself less passionate, more dull...call me a personality hypochondriac if you will: I'm convinced that actions are not random. This is when the big questions shine...if I ask myself this:

 

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I love the possibilities of my future when I am honest with my answer.

I love words. This won't be the first or last time I bring this up...words move me, break me, build me. They give me strength and they make me weak and vulnerable to their pull. Shane Koyczan breathes words and takes my breath away...again, again, again.

6 Things that Make Me Happy

Was going to be a list of 5 Things, until I found number 6 and knew it had to be shared. So here we go, let's start with...

A Gorgeous scrappy-scrapbook...I fall in love with my own scrapbooks and journals. When they get so worn-in that they melt in your hands they become more than a book, or blank pages. They become a sacred space.

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A Brilliant Idea...sometimes isn't it the the smallest things which can make the biggest differences? Run with that metaphor!

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A Happy Song...first few chords and I had melted. There's something about passion that is irresistible.

I'm feeling a bit sentimental this morning, and Marley can always be counted on for wise words that make me happy...happy to be a human capable of absorbing and giving love.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
— Bob Marley

Witnessing another in a moment of unbridled happiness can make me pretty damn happy too.

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And last but not least...

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That's right. That just happened.